Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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