it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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