Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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