His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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