Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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