I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
