i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
