So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
