I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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