shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
