Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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