Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
