I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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