I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
