i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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