If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
