What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
