I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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