PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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