You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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