Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
