OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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