He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
