So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
