I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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