You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
