one might say we're banned from that church
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
