New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
