I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
