You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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