Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
