She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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