Im at strip club and am horny
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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