hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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