Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
