How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
