So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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