The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
