I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
