should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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