I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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