around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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