I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
