There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
