just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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