i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
