You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
