I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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