We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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