He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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