Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
