I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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