I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize