I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
