you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
