Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
