Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
