i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
