did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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