please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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