I met the friendliest cop last night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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