her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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