im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
