I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize