My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
